the doctors words hit me with the force of a sledge hammer, like the kind you see at fairs to test your strength by how high you can get that metal puck to go up and hopefully ring the bell.at the top.
you should get your affairs in order. i'm so sorry but there is nothing left for us to try. you have maybe six months....his voice trailed off, we sat in silence for a few moments
were those tears i saw welling up in the doctors eyes? perhaps. perhaps it was my wishful thinking. perhaps only a very human need to believe someone cared about my passing, that somehow i'd made a difference here, in this life, to at least one person.
in my stunned and dazed state i left the doctors office and walked the three blocks to a small park and sat there on a cold wooden bench for hours.
the green grass, the new leaves budding on the trees, the yellow daffodils bobbing in the soft breeze, all went unnoticed by me.shouts of laughter from nearby children seemed somehow harsh and jarring to my ears. the sun seemed over-bright to my eyes. this was not a glorious herald of the coming spring nor a celebration on awakening new life, to me on this day it was a sad reminder that i would most likely not see another spring. i ached inside with the loneliness of the thought and couldn't imagine the scene before me with me not there.
a shift in the intensity of the sun a chill in the air roused me from my stupor. i stood and on my stiff legs began to walk toward home. home. a small word yet so rich in meaning. a mom, a dad, kids, a family doing the usual family things.
to be continued
copyright susan voigt march 7 2008
No comments:
Post a Comment